Horrible Nightmare

I didn't sleep well last night, I had one of those dreams where it felt so real that you wake up in pain. I had a dream last night that my mom was diagnosed with cancer and she was just deteriorating every time I went to visit her. It's upsetting because I've lost both of my grandpa's from lung cancer it was just hard seeing them suffer through it. I remember it was only a time frame of may half a year (probably less...) where he would go to his treatments of radiative therapy with really no results at all. He did try everything to fight it but it was inevitable. I hope soon they will find a real treatment for it.

My dream pretty much reliving that pain of watching my grandpa go through all of that except it was my mother and as I love my grandpa, it just seem to hurt more when it's your mom. By the end of the dream she did actually die and it started with same ritual when someone dies how everyone comes to the house to show respect and prepare for the funeral. I woke up and tears were coming down my face uncontrollably until I got myself to calm down realizing it was all a dream.

Just a Few Thoughts at the End of 26

I'm about to turn 27 at the end of this month and I still can't figure out what's my purpose. I haven't really experienced much, haven't made any big accomplishments, never been in a serious relationship, no plans on kids any time soon. I just don't really have any major goals in my life. Is this how it's going to be for me? Just stuck being comfortable of what I'm doing? I know I've made a lot of similar blog entries like this in the past and I really haven't done much about it. I'm always too scared that I'll fail or don't live up to people's expectations.

I'll try everything once...

I'm Leaving... Unless

I get offended easily sometimes, especially when it comes to my ability. There is a group I'm involved with and I went ahead and try to reach out to take on more responsibility. The thing is, I'm not getting any feedback or acknowledgment from it and it's been more than a week. I know they are needing help but right now as we stand I think I want to detach myself from them... Before, I felt I was needed and had responsibility but without that, what am I there for? Do I really have a say in this?

I really love how things were working before and I miss the relationship I had. I love how my feedback matters and I love how I feel like I'm part of a "committee." Because of that feeling and relationship I had, I made a best friend, I made a relationship with someone I respect, I made a group of people that I didn't know at first, a group that made me be comfortable of who I am.

A Picture a Day

http://solotis.tumblr.com/

Just a site where I'm posting pictures everyday for a year and maybe some more after that I started it on Dec 24, 2010. Check it out and follow me on Tumblr!