I Miss You. Wished You Actually Cared...

I kinda miss someone, I use to talk to this person all the time but now they just completely stopped. I thought I knew what it took to be a good friend, I really don't think it's difficult just be there for them no matter what, listen and try to resolve their problems. That's exactly what I did but they don't want to listen to me or take any of my advice. It's seriously like talking to a blank wall because whatever I say or think about a certain issue or "that person" they don't seem to take my opinion into consideration.

This person doesn't really have many friends so I try to be there as much as I can for them but I'm feeling the reason they don't have any friends is because they don't know how to make friends. They don't care of anyone's opinions and would make it seem like they're always the victim and blame it on others. I hate losing friends but there's a time where it's almost like enough is enough and you can't keep on trying to reach out to them to try to make the relationship work.


***
I really do miss you but I also think you're still making a bad decision. Love can be a real shitty thing if let it control you completely. I know it'll end up the same exact way like before and as much as you'll try to prove it's not, I know what they did to you and you deserve better than that. Don't let them blind you with the fancy things like tech gadgets and trips. I hope you're smarter than to be bought off when they know they did something wrong to you.

I've spotted Bigfoot!

Me and my cousin, Rosie, were at Target last night just wasting time before Harry Potter started and found this toy on display. I like how it actually looks like it's trying to bust through that small little Plexiglas box.

I Just Don't Want Anybody

I made an entry where I was saying how I might be down with relationships and now going back reading it made me think I might be indecisive. I've had a year and some how I've been with people for a few and not care about them. It's just that the people I've been with have been people that I don't really care about.

I should be more open to people but I think my standards are too high. I just don't want to be with anybody.

It Gets Better

I've always been a supporter of gay rights and I believe they aren't any different than of straight people. Been reading a lot about this "It Gets Better" how a lot of celebrities right now or whatever are making videos trying to reach out to young gay teens to let them know that "It Gets Better" life isn't that bad and it's worth living for. I fell upon this video from of Texan Politician, Joel Burns and it really touched me. I can understand that gay people have it more difficult than everyone else and I just can't imagine how tough it is until watching this video. It's very emotional.

I Think I Love You... Friends

It's difficult when writing sometimes to not hurt the people around you. When you do this kind of thing you tend to write about people who are a big impact in your life and when you do write about a topic or whatever it's of your own experience and your experience is only the people who are around you (YOUR FRIENDS)

I love the people who I'm with of course, they are a big influence in my life and I love how they make me who I am and I would accept all of their flaws. I can only hope they do the same for me. I love you all and don't want any of you to change even if I really hate your stand on things political, religion, and personal. You are in my life for a reason and because of that I appreciate you and have a lot of respect though I do at times don't show it.

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Reading what I wrote up there sounds like you can take it two ways. You can either take it as a goodbye letter or an appreciation letter, which I hope is what you take it as. If I sound like I'm judgmental at times or I don't seem to like your decision on something. Just know that I only think that way because I care and only want the best for you.

Losing my Religion

It's funny after watching the latest episode of Glee titled "Grilled Cheesus" it made me think of religion and how much effect it has on people and how they live their lives. I was brought up a Christian, not really a specific kind of Christian (even though I went to a Baptist Sunday School.) We were to believe in God but not really live our lives around him/her. I know people are offended when saying God could possibly be a "her" but who really knows until we actually seen this "God."

As I'm older now I do feel I am my own person and I choose what I believe in. I have chose to be an Atheist. Yes it's true I don't believe in a god and I know it's a constant argument of why and how and what if but it's what I am. I watch the episode of Glee and I see this character who is gay and his only parent is dying doesn't believe in a god and doesn't want people to send him prayers. His reasoning is valid how if "God" was true then why would he give him a life of people believing his lifestyle is a choice that he would want to live a life of being ridiculed and it's entirety, but what I really hate about his character is how he's so uptight and won't allow others who believe in a God or any religion pray for his father's sake.

I am Atheist but I don't tell people they are wrong for whatever religion they do believe in or do I even tell them why they shouldn't believe. I respect people's religion and I can only ask that they respect my belief as well. Religion is a very personal thing you have with God and if you chose to believe in him/her or not it shouldn't be anybody's concern but your own.

A Lot of Typing but Never Publishing

I sit here at times trying to figure out what to write about and when I start typing what's on my mind, sometimes it would just be pages and Harry Potter size stories of my rant on one subject. I'll reread what I did and just hit the commands Apple Key+A and Delete. I force myself to write at times because it really does help me out when I'm either feeling low or just bored but I have nothing to say or talk about that would be any interests to other people than myself.

Just thinking if I posted every entry I've typed I don't even know that I would be even interested in my own blog anymore.

The Social Network

I've seen The Social Network today and I have to say that I really enjoyed it. I'm of coursed shocked how much backstabbing and betrayal there was but as sad as it is, it's business. I don't really buy many movies when they come out on video but I think I will buy this one. I really do use Facebook a lot and to just see how much goes on with just a social networking site is mind blowing...

P!nk

When I first saw this performance at the Grammys this year, I had such a new respect for P!nk. It was such a flawless performance vocally and visually. I can't think of any past grammy performance that has been done so well and if you can think of one let me know.

I'm In A MOVIE!!

Not really much to brag about but last summer a couple movies were filmed here in Iowa for some Tax Incentive program, and had a lot of opportunities here to be an extra in a couple movies. I wasn't in a lot of flicks because of work and scheduling problems but I did get a chance to be the movie "The Experiment" starring Adrien Brody and Forest Whitaker. All I did was walk up the Capitol stairs but you can see behind Adrien Brody. Here are some snap shots from the movie, I'm in a maroon shirt that they had me change into since so many people were in the same color shirt I was in that day.

First Impression Mean A Lot

I think I'm a lot more judgmental than I ought to be, as liberal minded I am and try to live a life where I don't care what people think of me I find it hard to do the same way about others. I might not care what people think of me but I do have an opinion on other people. I know there are jerks out there, douchebags, assholes, bitches, and tricks that do nothing but try to talk down to you because they do believe they are better than you. I'm not a person at all to kiss someone's ass or massage someone's ego so when people talk about themselves like they're god I'm put off so fast that I either drink or find an excuse to escape from hearing more about your bank account or social status.

I don't really give people a second chance to come back from my first impression of them, it's kind of odd because some of the people that I do give second chances to, are now some of my good friends.

The Social Network... Could Get You in Trouble

Sometimes you have to be careful what you post on the Internet. It's very true that whatever you say or do on the Internet can be used against you. Especially the workplace. I've learned by past experience that as great it is to have this freedom of speech, sometimes it's not always the best. Yes I have got in trouble before of what I posted online. Of course when you first try to be this blogger or writer you want people to read your work. You pass it around, forwarding links to your colleagues not really thinking twice of where it will get in the hands of. The blog entry was basically a rant of how I'm not fond of a supervisor, of course that is exactly who it got to. It's not like I was beating around the bush I mentioned names, status, class, and physical appearance. (Actually, you would be able to find that entry if you go back some years on this blog) Luckily it didn't really hurt me too badly at work as that person has moved to a new department but I was sure I was closely monitored for a while waiting for my little screw ups at work to kick me out of there...

As much as I love social networking, blogging, Twitter, Facebook, I feel almost like I still can't express myself fully because I'm so aware that people are reading and I don't want to offend people and I don't want another work incident. Perhaps this is a reason I'm so into Anthony Bourdain right now, he's a writer loves food and has a "I don't give a fuck" attitude. I think I really need to get out of this corporate desk job and work someplace or for myself where being me is all it takes for me to move ahead.

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Nas

So last night has to be one of the best nights I've ever had! I went to a Nas and Damian Marley concert and had such a blast. I can't really say I'm the biggest fan of Damian Marley but having Nas there was all I needed. It's pretty crazy, I've been such a fan of Nas since I first heard "If I Ruled the World" with Lauryn Hill. Everyone that knows me, know that I'm a big Lauryn Hill fan. Since I can remember watching MTV and seeing the music video for "Vocab" when Fugees were also known as Translator Crew, it completely changed my life and followed her career since and I'm just happy that it spread out to other artists that I've grown to love.

There's only a few artists out there that I would listen to their music and it would have such an emotional impact on me and Nas is definitely one of them. When that guy came out on stage I went delirious, it was like a little girl at a Justin Bieber concert. Maybe I was star strucked but I've never felt that emotion to see someone that was a big part of you growing up that you really never met but have been idolizing over and then being so close to him feeding off his energy was so mind blowing. It's like an upcoming fashion designer meeting Gianni Versace, or a painter watching Leonardo DaVinci painting the Mona Lisa. I think I completely lost it when he did a whole medley of his classics, I was trying to record the entire thing but found it very difficult when I'm also jumping and screaming.

Definitely can check this off my list, i'm closer to clearing out this bucket!

More pictures can be found on my Facebook page! (You don't need to be friends to view...)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=80264&id=1008031942&l=e8852c007c

College Town Leads to Regrets

So this weekend was pretty interesting, going to a college party getting pretty wasted and breaking yet another iPhone. Me and a friend drove up to Ames, for a friend’s birthday party and also to compete in a beer pong tournament (I know very college…) that was also being held at the party but the rules were to be prompt and we were very late to the “event.”

It’s almost a rule each time I go there to Ames, to get a little more drinks in me than usual because for me being not the typical college student age, you kind of half to be in their mindset to communicate with some of them. While making a few rounds at the party greeting some people and making small chat we decided to head out. It was a good time to leave because once we left the place we saw cop cars there ready to stop the chaos that was going inside.

We headed downtown to try to meet my cousin and to hit up a few bars or clubs. While walking to the apartment she was at, I tripped on an uneven sidewalk. Trying so hard to keep myself from falling on my ass and looking like a fool I was struggling to stay up, which I probably look even more foolish than if I was to actually fall on my ass. Well my phone was in my hand and smacked it right into a brick wall still trying to stay on my feet. I have some pictures of the aftermath that I’ll also post at the bottom of this post.

I guess I’m actually not too upset about my phone, I think it’s now time to get the latest iPhone 4 so maybe it happened for that reason. I’m currently using now my older iPhone 3g and it’s ridiculously slow from the 3gs. I just know that I’ll probably be bitching about it until I get my iPhone 4 because I’m just so completely obsessed with my tech gadgets so being downgraded is really hurting me right now.

I Plan on Being America's Next Top Anthony Bourdain

I don’t know where to start today, I’ve been “out-ed” it seems… A friend came back to Iowa to visit, and seeing me again for only a couple minutes she sensed right away that I wasn’t as happy or high-spirited I was the last time we saw each other. No I’m not coming out of “the closet.” I’m not gay. I think I may be just a little depressed. Nothing to have to take medication for, I've just been well... not as happy with how my life has been going. It’s not what I planned for myself, but who really out there has everything they wanted? I wanted to be successful, I wanted to be out of Iowa, I wanted to be on my own and independent.

I’ve come to realize that I’m not good at planning. I planned moving to California last year but never thought of a PLAN B if PLAN A didn’t work and I think that’s where my downfall was. I was so determined and engrossed in the idea of moving that it left me blindsided, I didn’t even think of what I would do if I didn’t have the money by the time I was supposedly ready.

As of how I am today, I am working through a temp agency just trying to get my bills straighten out and literally living paycheck after paycheck. I seem to not be able to save any money with each paycheck and would have problems with buying things I really don’t need. I definitely took a few steps back from where I was. I don’t know where all my determination is, right now I am living comfortably at my parents house and I really can’t do this anymore.

Lately I’ve been watching a lot of Anthony Bourdain’s – No Reservation and also started reading “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert and it got me really thinking that what I need to be doing is travel. I have the security right now of living at my parents’ house so why don’t I just try to save my money from work to do more traveling. I’ve always wanted to explore the world out there, looking at the sites, all the history, art, music, food, and people. I can use this time to go discover new places and, as cliché it sounds… discover myself.

Lindsay Lohan Please Be Normal Again

I don't know what it is, I've always had this little thing for Lindsay and with all of her flaws I still just can't stop but love her, maybe it's her raspy voice her wildness character and her don't give a f*ck bad ass chick. Whatever it is, I just seem to still have this celebrity crush on her. I do wish she was sane again because I would love to see her in more movies, she's a talented girl and it's sad when she lives her life the way she does and just ruins her career so easily and she just doesn't seem to understand that. Yesterday she was released from jail that she only spent 15 days when she was suppose to serve 90 days (of course being a celebrity you get that sort of treatment) and now she's heading to rehab to supposedly stick with 90 days which hopefully she does. As much as you are hoping that she comes out of this clean and sober again, in my opinion I think nothing will come out of it. I think her career has been over for a while and no one is giving her work. I still think Britney is still not all she was when she first started, fame can easily knock you down so and I think it goes to show that you have to have a strong will to be able to handle it. You can blame it on the parents that they were pushed in that career at such a young age but as an adult you are able to make up your own mind what you want in life and she's going in the wrong direction.

I do hope rehab works out for her, I would like to see her in movie again but right now I'm moving on to Emma Stone, she's my new raspy redheaded chick.

KC Weekend

Kansas City is where I was at last weekend and it was a good time not the greatest but it was fun nonetheless. I went with my cousins that were female and I really felt the trip was too girly for my taste but I tried to make the best of it. It also didn't help that my cousin also had friends that she also invited so it almost felt like it was a bachelorette party. We went to the Power and Light District and damn, drinks are way overpriced and very weak. I was in a new city on a small vacation and I wanted to get to that high that night but I wasn't going to spend all of the money I bought just to do that. Also the temperature wasn't helping either, it was so hot that we all decided to just get back to the hotel around 10:30.

Relationships. Are They For Everybody?

I don't know what it is, sometimes when I see a couple I have this thing in the back of my mind of how much I dislike them. Could it be me, being jealous? I really don't go out trying to hook up with anybody or try to find that special somebody to be with. I always tell myself that I don't even care if I ever find that "special someone" or if I even want to get married. So why is it that I have this feeling of jealousy when I see some couples that are so in love with each other? Perhaps a part of me do want that now, and I'm kind of allowing that part of myself that hates relationship to try to give it another shot. I mean it's always nice to have that special person you can always trust, who will always fight for you, who's always on your side through the good or bad.

Some people are fine being independent and does real well without being attached to anyone. I wanted to be that, I want to solve my own problems, I want to live my life without anyone's help or even their sympathy. I'm going to continue to not go out there searching for that someone but if the time comes, I shouldn't be pushing it away. And for now on I'll work harder on that jealousy feeling, it's a very ugly characteristic of a person's personality and I don't want that to get the best of me.

This 4th of July Didn't Consist of Much Fireworks

I don't really get excited for fireworks much anymore, I think it's because all the years I was at my grandma's house I kind of got phased out by them. She use to live over the river by what use to be called "Sec Taylor Stadium" and what is now called Principle Park. Around this time of the year we would hear the fireworks go off after every game and people would drive over that hill to watch the fireworks and the family would go in the backyard in our all ready perfect view of the fireworks. I use to get excited every year watching them but it's always the same show, nothing very impressive.

Actually this whole 3 day weekend I didn't much at all beside spend most of it with my family or home playing video games and catching up with my recorded TV. Friday I did go out but I wasn't really feeling the places we went but for some reason I thought I should stay. Before I was planning on going out for 80/35, those who are not from Iowa it's a music festival with bands local and national performing for 2 nights. Usually I would be all about it being one of those people who gets a few drinks in them and jamming to their favorite bands those nights. I pretty much turned everybody down Saturday night, I just wasn't down for this year's Independence Day or something.

I am really eager to get out of this state for a while though... Me and my cousin are spending a weekend in Kansas City next week just to be out, I just wanted some time off from Iowa and the people here. Not that I don't love you all, it's nice to take a break sometimes.

So I went to Justin Bieber this week and I actually had a lot of fun. A few photos are below but I'll link you also to my album on Facebook. I wasn't sure of going actually but if you may not know I was heavily involved in Des Moines Iowa Asian Heritage Festival and we actually had the group Legaci be our headliners last year and now they are Justin's backup singers. Pretty cool from where they got to and of course I had to go and support them on stage. It was nice too that they actually had a little time to hang out with us a little too.






More photos can be seen here Facebook Album

I Blog When I'm Bored

So where am I at today? Well I’m still living at the parents’ house, living paycheck by paycheck from a job I don’t really like but that can also easily get rid of me. Things not really looking up but at least I have a job and I guess I’ll just continue to pretend that I have a pretty good handle on life and everything is going just great…

The only thing that I can really look forward to right now is purchasing a freaking phone. It seems like that’s the only thing that is obtainable to me at this time. I do come here a lot to vent it seems but writing is definitely something that releases stress for me, well stress and music and that’s what I’m doing right now listening to my John Legend and typing away what’s on my mind.

It’s Saturday by the way and I decided to stay in tonight. I really should keep myself busier because when I’m out with some friends I just don’t care about the little things but when I’m by myself like tonight I start to think. I’ll stop making these boring entries… No one wants to read this, I mean I don’t know if I would read this entry if I was someone outside.

No Title... Just Typing Away...

I know everybody would say that they love their parents and I am no exception. Whenever I'm around them and see what they have given me it makes me feel almost unworthy because I feel I'm not the child they wanted me to be. I think together they have done so well for themselves considering the circumstances of coming from a foreign country and really Americanized learning the language and working hard everyday to make a better life for our family.

I know they wanted me to finish college and be successful on whatever path I take and I haven't done that for them. I'm still currently still just working a regular Monday through Friday job where it looks to me of a place of no advancements and living with them at the house they worked on getting.

Of course my goal to move to Cali has changed. I was doing so well before of saving but with all of the madness of being laid off and endless bills, I once again have to push my plans back again. It might just be me needing someone to possibly go with me so I'm not alone, to make sure I won't fail. I just don't know anybody well enough to have that support system with me...

Katie's Crib yo!

I'll Stay Neutral and Be an Adult

I don't pick sides especially if the sides are both my friends, both sides have acted in such foolish ways that I am actually very embarrassed to be associated with the two and the whole group. It hurts knowing what we've become, when everything was so tight but because of some bad seeds it has turned rotten. There have been a lot of talks behind back and a lot of he said and she said and it's all just childish and they all need to grow up.

I'll be working tomorrow because I am an adult. I can act in a professional manner and know that work needs to be done and without my assistant the work would not be completed. I won't let stupid arguments get in the way, I won't let people believe that I am incapable of the task that was given to me, because I am an adult.

The Empty Suitcase Project

I'm such a big fan of YouTube, I subscribe to a lot of channels on there that is entertaining to me. I've subscribed to the channel passionsf for a while now, I really enjoy his voice and love that he's a song writer and not just singing other people's music but also his own. He's had a lot of success just on YouTube and with that he's taken that opportunity to be a part of what is called "The Empty Suitcase Project" where he did a concert in London with a few empty suitcases of people donating items to Tanzania as well as all the proceeds from the concert.

Yes so this project is for a good cause and people should be inspired by this man of what he is doing but what really got to me is this video below. He's made several parts of his travels and explaining the actual project but this one in particular got me so emotional. You can skip over to 3:09 where Wes from Wong Fu Productions and his letter he got from his mom before he graduated from college.




I just don't know how to express how great his parents are. I just feel like parents are always in your life trying to control you thinking that they always know best, but his parents have realize that he's an adult and allowed him to take his own path on what he should do and not be in the way or holding him back. I'm not saying my parents are not good parents because they definitely are, growing up they've always had food on the table and told us from right and wrong and just having good work ethics even with them coming to this country not having the education of people that has lived here all their lives. I look at them and feel inspired and also thinking how lucky I am to have them to know that they're always there for me if I need them if I'm ever in a bind.

I just wish they didn't have such high expectation of me growing up, nothing wrong with wanting the best but I feel like I was getting pushed to do something that I didn't want to do. Also, me growing up being an adult and realizing I have my own mind I was just left confused. I'm 26 now and I really have no idea what I want to do with my life and it makes me very annoyed that I haven't got anything accomplished yet at this age. There's always time to figure out what you want to do later in life but you see all these people that are younger than you with their life just set.

Right now in my life I think I'm happy where I am, I have a few goals I like to get to and I'm slowly making my way towards them. It is like I'm starting all over just a little but I think some people are late bloomers...

Wow... Is this really STRESS?

I've been getting a lot of demands, trying to reach goals that I can't seem to reach, trying to finish one project but getting told I'm not doing something correct, taking on more tasks when I already got enough on my back. I'm not managing it all well but I keep trying to push myself so I can please people. I'm a very stubborn person, I'm sure everyone that's currently in my life knows that. I just want people to believe I'm reliable and can do the job, I hate letting people down. I think I'm finally reached a place where it's not safe. Work has been down on me, I haven't been making production that I should be hitting and I'm afraid to lose that job real soon because of it. It's not like I'm not trying either, I've worked through my lunch at times knowing that I won't get paid for it and still haven't reached that production level I'm suppose to hit. A person at work that started just a week before me has been hired on because her production has way surpasses mine has just made me feel real stupid. The thing that gets me is that the job is not difficult whatsoever so it pains me more to not be able to do something that should come so familiar to me with the experience I have.

Trying to get things up and ready to go with my social media sites for the Asian Festival is killing me too. I know I've been doing a half ass job and not really posting the quality that I would like. This blog is something that is a small stress reliever to me, but the time that I have writing this, is also waiting for this video to encode to a file so I would be able to edit it later then post it on YouTube since my partner in this is not so computer literate as I am, apparently...

With this stress I've started to break out in hives, I really don't think it's allergy related because I've been taking tons of Benedryl with no results of relief. It's really adding more to my stress because my skin is filled with red bumps and very dry patches around my face and other places making it very uncomfortable to even move and making me feel very self-conscious that people are looking at my flaws. After work I would sometimes load up on Benedryl and Melatonin to knock me out so I wouldn't have the urge to scratch my horrible looking body. Constantly keeping a bottle of moisturizer in my pocket all day to keep my face looking somewhat decent is what I really shouldn't be doing. i should actually be going to the doctor to get some kind of penicillin-based shot but can't because I have no insurance and with me being close to the edge at work it's making it harder to get that really needed insurance.

My weight has risen these past couple years but recently I just feel like it's working overtime. Food is one of those things that a lot of people have problems with but it's always there for you and comforting you. I've completely stopped working out because I haven't been motivated enough and once I get off of work and thinking of myself as a failure, the last thing I want to do is something active. Of course people would read this part and think it's some kind of excuse, see it however you like but this is how I feel about this part.

This past weekend I have shown a part of me that I really hate. Being it as a weekend and from all of the hell I've been through stressing about work I thought in my head it would be a good idea to just let loose and have a few drinks with some friends. Turns out of course I would end up being in an argument with someone publicly calling them trash when if I was looking in on that I would consider myself as being "trashy." Also later being angry at this car almost hitting me exiting the parking lot I punch their car and they were yelling back at me threatening me to kick my ass. It's not a great moment for me of course but I do blame it on the build up of stress and I was finally able to let it all out. Funny enough, it really did help me a lot to just go off on someone I felt very "high" and it almost felt good to be-little someone as horrible that may have sound.

The next day I went out again but didn't drink heavily and for some reason I spent most of the night trying to make some sense to a drunk female friend, which now that I think of it I should have just let it go because it seems to be a whole act that night just to get attention of someone else. Just one of those things for I don't understand the female mind at times, I do have a lot of female friends and it's just never cool when you're talking with them, your words don't mean a thing because their mind is already made up, they love to have someone feel sorry for them and be on their side. I just really hate at the end of the day when you really care for a friend, they just leave you feeling stupid and used.

...Well my video has finally encoded so I'll be working on editing and getting those videos up. Please subscribe to celebrAsian's YouTube channel!

Cry

I think people need to release their tears every once in a while. You can only hold back your true emotions so much that you start to go insane and veer off to emotion that really isn't you. I cried last night, and it was because of a dream I had. My dream was about my grandpa, he died in '97 from lung cancer and he was actually the first person that I was real close with that past away. I remember it so well, I was in 7th grade and just seeing him deteriorating right in front of me as the cancer took over was really difficult to see. My dream was pretty much just a normal day but he was alive, I was hanging out at the house and he was watching TV in his wife-beater and shorts, with his Mountain Dew in from of him. All of a sudden my dream moved a couple days later and he was looking a little ill. He started having these coughs and it was exactly like what has actually happened. It moved to the day when he was at the hospital the doctor came into the room to tell us that he only had a couple months left. I remember that day very well it was heartbreaking, the whole room filled with my family couldn't take it.

That was when I woke up from my dream and I was crying in my sleep. My pillow was soaked and waking up from that dream I continued to cry, just reliving through that experience was too much for me to handle. I hated it, that was a big change in my life and I think after that I never really had it in me to be close to anyone after that. I think that's the reason for me hating high school I think that was the reason I lost faith in god. I think that was the reason I never really had any close friends. It's like I just don't care anymore and it really has screwed up my life.

I just really couldn't accept the fact that he was gone, he's not going to be there anymore and I won't be able to accept hugs and kisses from him anymore. I just really loved him and at times I would see him more than I would see my own parents. I don't think I'll ever get over it, I've lost other grandparents in that past years but his death for some reason meant more to me it seems...

Lady GaGa "Telephone"

Whoa... When Lady Gaga came out I really wasn't feeling her, I thought "Just Dance" was a fun pop song but didn't expect much more out of her and honestly thought she was going to be a one hit wonder. I'm glad I'm wrong because she has... Well, I don't even know what she has but it's here and it's blowing up. What I like about her is that she just seems like a down to earth person, even though on the outside she looks completely insane but that's guts to go out there in that business and not be afraid to be criticized. Another thing is that she actually plays a few instruments and writes her own songs, and nowadays it seems like it's very rare to do all of that.

Watch her latest video "Telephone" with Beyonce, it's completely out there and not for the closed minded.



If the embedded video doesn't work click here or copy and paste this address in your browser

http://www.vevo.com/watch/lady-gaga/telephone/USUV71000338

I Just Want to Write Tonight.

I do feel like writing right now but I don't have any idea what about. I guess I'll just talk about my day, first off I woke up around 11:30 and took a shower. Was ready to leave the house today which I've done such a great job this week doing. Mostly I would just stay home not even showering for the day and waste it watching TV and on the Internet but this being my last week of not working I wanted to use it wisely.

Leaving the house, it was great weather-wise, it was around 40 degrees and feels like winter is finally departing us and the snow is slowly melting away. I first went to the Polk County Building and renew my car registration, set me back 230 bucks but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. Having to do things like this makes me kind of hate being an adult. Remember back in the day having to not worry about anything like this and having your parents do mostly everything for you?

Later on I contacted my friend Mina and asked if she wanted to go together to post flyers for the Asian Festival's Talent Competition. I picked her up and we looked for places to tape up or pinned the flyers to some Grocery Stores, Restaurants, and Coffee Houses. I had picked up my cousin Kayla from school and she also helped... well, in her own way.

As much of driving around looking for places to post the flyers at, we were hungry and decided on one of my favorite Vietnamese Restaurants, A Dong. Of course I had pho, I just for some reason cannot not have pho. I think it's because for me, it reminds me of home. Even though it doesn't taste like my mother's or anything. Pho is something that was always made around my family, like get togethers or after a wedding or something. It's just very comforting. Again I would like to say that I really love the friends I have. After eating and knowing that Mina didn't like her pho she went and paid for our meals. She really did not have to do that I had the money but she was that kind to pay for us. Of course I will pay her back some how later in but it's just that she was THAT nice to do that. I don't know...

I think after our dinner we pretty much had the "itis" (haha urban dictionary that term...) We were all pretty exhausted and decided to call it a day. Took them home and I pretty much knocked out barely making it to my bed. Now it's late and I think I'm probably going to just do my Internet browsing and sleep soon.

Good night people, I hope you all are doing well...

My 26 Birthday was the best of Birthdays

I've been going on and on how much I really love my birthday this year. A lot of people showed up and just knowing that, that many people cared to show up even if it's just for a short time made me feel so good. I don't even know how much more I can express how I feel but it means so much to me that I can literally cry because of the love of family and friends I have.

I had my cousin Rosie take control of my camera that night she interviewed a few people and I went ahead edited the video together and came out with this...

Third Week of Nothingness...

So I've been laid off from my job right at the end of January 2010 and currently I'm laying on my bed, TV on, music playing, updating my Twitter and Facebook. I never really had a difficult time really finding a job, usually I would find something pretty quick and start as soon as possible. Blame it on the "recession" or whatever is going on, but I just feel lost right now. The time that I'm off work just had me thinking of what I'm doing with my life and how can I better it. The job was temporary but I really thought I would have at least another month, and that month of pay would have really helped me with my plans I've set for myself years ago of moving out of Iowa.

I am lucky that I decided to move back to my parents because they are having me at the house for free and the fridge is mostly all the time full. As much as I hate having them help me out so much financially and all of the troubles I would get myself into I can't explain how much I am thankful for them. I know a lot of people don't have the relationship with their parents as I do, most would force them out of the house or would ask for rent money just shy of a nice one bedroom apartment.

I'm not a big believer of fate or anything like that but maybe it's a good thing why all of this is happening. I mean maybe my time to move to the west coast isn't for me right now. I know that my sister isn't even really settled there yet so maybe once she gets more comfortable out there and everything is good for her, she's able to help me get better adjusted once I make that move. I don't know, I just feel like I should start seeing life as half full rather than half empty, I've always been such a pessimist and maybe with that mindset it's what's keeping my life standing still instead of "Moving Forward."

Another one of these posts... I need to cheer up!

I need to listen to more music, whenever I'm feeling kind of low I try to watch TV or movies or something but they never cheer me up even if I'm watching some kind of comedy. Music is something that always puts me in a good mood, especially this time where I feel like I'm failing with the situation I'm going through with not having a job and not making my move to the west coast yet. It's depressing I know people are telling me to move slow but I'm sick of moving THIS slow I'm ready to just run and go for it.

Birthday is at the end of the month and with me not having really much money is making me not even want to think or do anything for it. I hope to find something quick this is really putting a burden on me.

Taking a Break

Yes I am currently unemployed and I feel very odd about it, It's so weird waking up and knowing I don't have anything to do for the day. I just always had job since I've turned 18 and at times had held two jobs at once. So last week I haven't really tried that hard to find another job I decided to keep it low for a little bit. Now is a new week and I really got to find something right now, I've saved some money for my move but I'm still short on what I wanted to go down there with. I hate that I may have to push it back once again... It sucks because I've been planning this move for the longest time and things just keep suddenly coming up.

I feel stupid telling people that I'm planning on moving down there and not ever actually going out... I will do it though, I'm determined I just need some more money before doing it.

Apple iPad

So today was the day that the Apple Tablet has finally been official and is called the "iPad." My first impression of it was that it's just a iPod Touch on steroids. Watching more of the keynote though, I kind of want one, I won't lie. I am a sucker for Apple products and this is just another one of them. I think the only thing that is a big seller for me is the big screen, iBooks, and iWork. I was actually thinking of buying a kindle for a while but why get one now with the iPad on it's way? I don't think I will get it release day, and to be honest I don't think I might even get the first generation of it. I may wait a year for them to perfect it like all Apple products.

Of course I'm a little disappointed this keynote I was hoping for a new software update for the iPhone. The iPhone OS seems like it's getting old, it really hasn't changed all that much since the very first gen and the Android OS is advancing I do think Apple needs to do some overhauling on the iPhone OS. No multitasking? No flash player in web? It's very capable of doing those things so why isn't Apple adding those features? Well once I'm done with my contract let's see if Apple can still hold on to me because the Nexus One is looking real good to me.

After all of that I would still want the damn iPad because Apple somehow has a grip on me and I just can't say no to them for some reason...

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I Don't Know What to Talk About!

I really wanted to make an entry but I have no idea what about... I really hate this weather, I guess that's a start. We had some freezing rain here and it's not fun at all trying to walk to your car trying to avoid slipping, which I have failed because I fell on my ass and got a bruise on my ass. Ice on the car always takes some time getting it all off, but when rolling down the windows the ice still stays on. Here's a video of me getting the ice off my window.



Conan O'Brien is being kicked off the Tonight Show. That makes me very sad, he hasn't even got a chance to change things around. I mean nothing is going to be successful right away. The little time he did have that show I watched it and really enjoyed the time he has there. I know it's not all Jay Leno's fault but I do think he had a say and maybe step down. He's already has his time in the sun and people already remembers him of being the host for the Tonight Show it's time to pass the torch. I hope he finds another network just like David Letterman and just shows NBC he can do it.

The California thing right now... I'm a little nervous about moving down there, it seems like my sister is adjusting nicely there but I don't know if she is ready for me to get down there too. I was really hoping that she would have a place of her own but as of right now she's living with a friend and if I was to move down there, I don't know where I would be staying or working or anything like that. I'm really not all that ready but as it gets closer I will try to find work.

I think I'm going to try to cut down on the drinking. It just seems like that's the only way I can have fun now and I don't want that to be the main thing when I'm going out with my friends. Nothing wrong with a few drinks but when you go belligerent, what's the point?

Do you believe in Karma?

Tonight was just are a regular Saturday night for me... Well it was my friend's birthday so we went out downtown drinking celebrating. Doing what we need to do it set the party and mood off right. I actually only had a couple drinks but it wasn't enough for me to be considered "drunk" I'm a little more responsible that than... Because of awkwardness later in the night I decided to go home. Right before turning into the corner before heading home I slid right into a snow bank and could not get myself out of there. I thought my car was messed up for sure my bumper was risen from it's original place and was thinking how I'll have to fix it and stuff.

I had to do the shameful thing and call my parents to help me out of this mess I couldn't just drive out, I needed a shovel to dig my tire out so it can actually move and some man power to push it out of the snow bank. Of course since I'm not that far from home they came to try to help me out of it and was of course mad at me for doing something I couldn't help. While trying my car out of there this guy that was passing by asked if we needed help. My dad responded that we probably just need a little help pushing it out. He instantly got out of the car and helped us move the car out and we were able to get it out fine and my bumper actually went back to it's original place. Another great thing also is that another guy that was driving by asked if we needed help too but by that time we actually got the car out so we thanked him for asking but got him back on his way.

I don't really believe in karma or much of anything, I'm a person that thinks "I don't believe it until I see it." Doesn't mean I'm a horrible person I do care for others. I donate all the time to different charities, my favorite charity is 'Stand up to cancer.' I'll be honest though if it wasn't for me losing 2 grandpas to cancer I don't know if that would be my main charity to support. I also did donate to the whole Katrina thing in New Orleans and recently the earthquake in Haiti. I'm not saying that I'm a saint or anything like that but I do feel every little thing helps.

I never believed it karma actually but I feel what has happen to me tonight can pretty much be described as that... I don't know what to really think of tonight but really I do feel that we should all just every once in a while "pay it forward" just do something nice for the next person either if it's big or small, whatever it is it will be a chain reaction and just making that one person's day will lead to make 20 people down the chain their day.

I've Set A Date!

I've finally set the date of my plans on moving down to California with my sister. The day is March 13... It's actually much closer now that I think of it. I'm excited, my cousin Tina is planning on taking that drive with me from Iowa to California and hopefully we'll have lots of fun doing so. I don't really know what I want to do out there or know what to expect but it's a change for me.

Excited? Of course!